


You’re My Best Friend

by drowseroger



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bad Flirting, Ben is bi, Cardzello, Coming Out, Drunken Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Panic, How Do I Tag, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by THAT video Joe posted on Instagram, I’m too impatient to write slow burns, Joe is gay, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Unrequited Crush, gwilym didn’t sign up for this, hardzello, we don’t deserve this man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-11-05 06:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17913854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowseroger/pseuds/drowseroger
Summary: Joe had feelings for Ben for as long as they’d known each other. But not a soul could know, not even Gwilym or Rami, because they would almost definitely end up telling Ben. And that would be catastrophic.After a drunken night at Rami’s, Ben and Joe find themselves waking up next to each other. This had happened a few times before, but this time Ben is questioning not only his feelings for Joe, but also his sexuality as a result of it.Joe is adamant that Ben doesn’t like him and is hell-bent on clearing the air before he returns to New York in three days time.Ben is adamant that he isn’t gay, but also adamant that he isn’t straight.





	1. Each Morning I Get Up, I Die A Little

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic i’ve published on here sksksks and it’s currently 2am so i’m not sure how good this is and i’ve almost wrote Hoe instead of Joe so many times BUT i’ve been watching hardzello edits on instagram for about an hour and i’ve been reading other people’s fics all day so... here’s You’re My Best Friend
> 
> edit: yes,, i have changed all of the chapter titles so that they’re also a queen song/lyric. i am very unoriginal, i don’t care.

“Ugh,” Joe mumbled, rubbing his head as he began to drift out of sleep to the vibrating of his alarm. He sighed and rolled over in his bed, desperate to get some pain killers for his throbbing headache. Fragments of the previous night came back to him, but not enough to fully piece together what had happened. However, due to his lack of clothes, he could only assume that he had done something he would regret.

Joe sighed again, more frustrated this time, as he managed to recall the events of the previous night. There was a big party at Rami’s apartment to celebrate a new nomination for Bohemian Rhapsody, which had been strategically planned so that it would be around the same time Joe was in England for full-cast interviews. It would have seemed rude for him to not go, he supposed. Especially since all of Rami and Joe’s close friends had been invited - Including Ben and Gwil. However, a lot of high profile people that Joe didn’t know had also, and that made him feel slightly uncomfortable. Of course, being an American only worsened this feeling of sheer dread. British people hate Americans almost as much as themselves.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

Joe rolled over in his bed to be met with the piercing green eyes of his cardboard cutout of Ben, which stared at him almost mockingly. He had absolutely no recollection of how it ended up in his bed, but in a way he was kind of glad that it had.

The man knew exactly what had happened last night now, as if it had happened only an hour ago: He’d gotten very drunk to cope with his nerves, with a lot of encouragement from Gwil and Rami. Ben had been talking and dancing with a girl at the time, and seeing him with someone other than himself made Joe feel an unspeakable amount of jealousy. No one else knew about his feelings, though. Even though he trusted Gwil and Rami with his life, he couldn’t tell them. It was just too much. And it’s not like Ben was his property; they’d fooled around before a few times, but nothing more. It drove Joe crazy with feelings, but he had to push them down. As he watched Ben dance with that girl, he was almost certain that his friend was straight. Almost.

One thing had led to another, and they ended up spending the night together. It wasn’t for the first time, either, and it only worsened Joe’s feelings for the incredibly attractive man. Every time they ended up in bed together, Joe wondered if it was possible that Ben reciprocated those feelings. Wondered if there was at least a slight chance that Ben was even the tiniest bit not straight. But he was pretty sure that it was one sided, and that his thinking was just too wishful. It crushed him every single morning when he woke up alone. Usually without Cardboard Ben. That was a new thing, and remained a complete mystery to Joe.

It had to stop, for the sake of both of them. A big part of Joe didn’t want it to, obviously. He loved spending time with Ben. Of course, he worried that Ben wouldn’t want anything to do with him if he knew how his friend really felt about him. In hindsight, it seemed kind of stupid; Ben is his friend, and almost certainly wouldn’t react negatively, but doubt still clouded Joe’s judgement. So for now, his cardboard counterpart would have to suffice. He had to break this off somehow, before it drove him insane, and before he returned back to New York. Even if that meant breaking it off with Cardboard Ben.

“Hi. Yeah, hi. Yes. Hello,” Joe nervously stuttered, glancing sideways at Cardboard Ben as he spoke as if he were the real Ben, “I know, yes, we’re back. But listen up. Okay? Listen to me:”

Joe took a shaky breath, gathering his thoughts for only a split second. Even though he was talking to a piece of cardboard and it was stupid, somehow his worries already seemed to melt away. Despite all of his intrusive thoughts telling him to shut up, he knew deep down that this was the right thing to do. It was very unlikely that he would get a chance to tell this to Ben. At least, not for a long time. In three days time, Joe would be back in his apartment in New York, and all of this would be forgotten about. At least, he hoped so.

“I get it, okay? The physical chemistry is obvious, and we’re only human. Well I’m only human. But it doesn’t matter, okay? This can’t happen again.” Joe spat out, in one riled-up breath as he looked over at Cardboard Ben sternly.

Even though he literally was just talking to cardboard, Joe couldn’t help but feel cruel. He didn’t even think twice about what he was saying, because he didn’t think that it would matter. But nonetheless, before he turned back over to face away from Cardboard Ben, he quickly added: “I’m sorry. I’m leaving. Goodbye.”

And with that, Joe turned over to face away from Cardboard Ben with a small, almost inaudible sigh. He could have never said that to the real Ben - His Ben - but being able to speak his feelings aloud for the first time since he’d caught them felt kind of cathartic, and it was definitely a long time coming.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Joe mumbled for the second time that morning. As he rolled in his bed onto his left side, he had a strong feeling of déjà vu.

This could not be happening. Joe was almost certain that Ben had left last night after they’d slept together. He could have sworn on it. But there he was, in all his British glory, smiling like a fucking clown.

“Hey buddy.”

“Hey...” Joe greeted, with an incredibly flustered shit-eating grin. He had gone back through the process of waking up after spending the night with guys alone. He had never, ever kicked anyone out after he’d slept with them - Especially not Ben. The option was always there to stay, but it was very rare that someone would stay until the morning. “Uh, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m great.”

“Good. Have you met... Um..?” Joe began to stumble on his words as he looked in the direction of Cardboard Ben, desperately trying to figure out just how much of his rant Real Ben had actually heard without giving himself away, just in case.

“Yeah, we met last night,” Ben looked up at Joe with raised eyebrows, searching for any sign of a reaction. Yet, for the first time since he’d woken up, Joe felt incredibly calm.  
In one swift motion, Joe pulled the covers up over their heads, and climbed on top of the British man. In that moment, he truly did not care if Ben had heard what he had said earlier or not. As soon as he saw Ben biting on his lower lip, he was a goner.


	2. Need Your Loving Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe is in gay panic when Ben finally kisses him. This is all he had ever dreamed of since they’d first met. He felt as if his life could not get any better. 
> 
> That was, of course, until Gwil interrupted with a phone call. (Honestly, who _calls_ in this day and age?) Joe and Ben are _extremely late_ for an important interview, and the interviewer is seething.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m gonna be real honest with you, i meant to write this earlier this morning but i got way too distracted by looking at photos of the boys at the oscars. (sidenote: has anyone seen my wig?) i’ve been writing this all day and i’m kind of not happy with it but i’m going to upload it anyway. my writing will get better i promise omg.

_In one swift motion, Joe pulled the covers up over their heads, and climbed on top of the British man. In that moment, he truly did not care if Ben had heard what he had said earlier or not. As soon as he saw Ben biting on his lower lip, he was a goner._

Joe wasn’t thinking about what he was doing as he pulled the covers over them. Nor was he thinking about what he was doing as he straddled Ben’s waist and looked down at the blonde man with an unmistakable grin on his face. All of this just came too naturally to him, like it was a part of a routine that he knew all too well. 

In fact, Joe relied solely on muscle memory right up until he had dipped down to kiss Ben, and was hovering barely centimetres above the other’s lips. It wasn’t up until then that he truly began to think about his actions. Reluctant to make the first move, he looked down at Ben with a half-smile, hoping that it was enough of a request. 

_God_ , he wanted to kiss Ben more than anything. He almost craved the taste of the British man’s lips. But he couldn’t find the courage in him to close the gap between them in his sober state. It didn’t seem right. Ben and Joe had a very close friendship, and that was the main issue. Their friendship had to come first. Bros before hoes, or whatever. 

Yet, as Ben’s sea-green eyes peered up at Joe with a look of pure admiration, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was even the slightest chance that Ben wanted more than a friendship, too. 

“Why did you stay?” Joe finally asked, curiosity getting the better of him. He lifted one of his hands to Ben’s face and brushed his thumb along his cheekbone as he spoke with a hushed tone. 

Ben furrowed his eyebrows and let out a very small apologetic sigh, “I wasn’t planning to.” His face fell into a frown as he looked up at his best friend. Joe made him feel emotions that no one, including his other friends, could make him feel. Every moment he spent time with Joe gave him a feeling that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Maybe it was giddiness. In truth, Ben wasn’t really sure what it was that he felt, but what he did know is that there was no chance he was letting it go anytime soon. 

“I almost left, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I went out for a cigarette, but then I came back. Because whatever this is... I like it. A lot.” Ben grinned as his hand slid around the back of Joe’s neck, pulling him in closer. Without missing a beat, he tilted his head upwards to gaze at Joe for no longer than a split second, and then caught his lips with his own. 

Much like a lot of things he had discovered that morning, Joe couldn’t quite believe it. _Ben kissed him,_ not the opposite. It wasn’t even particularly spontaneous; Joe knew he was going to kiss that man like his life depended on it either way. But it still totally caught him off guard, and threw him off his game. He managed to bring his free hand to Ben’s other cheek, but was otherwise frozen in his position, totally starstruck. 

Despite having kissed Ben many times before, he had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. It was different this time. Neither of them were drunk, and therefore very aware of what they were doing. Very aware that he way that Ben pecked at his lips was more tentative than their previous encounters. So very aware that it had a meaning. And that sent Joe in to a slight panic. 

Joe tried to break away from Ben slightly so he could buy himself some time to calm down and ground himself, but the British man was having none of it. As soon as Joe had broken away, Ben pulled him closer again in desperation, and yet again filled the space between them. But this time, it was a kiss that was more familiar to the two men. Passionate. More urgent. Because Joe took charge once he had gotten over himself. 

He started slowly at first, softly pecking at Ben’s lips to return the favour. But he quickly picked up the intensity, leading to the kind of intensity that was all too familiar.

One of Joe’s hands travelled down to Ben’s chest and pinned him back down onto the bed with a little force. Joe could feel Ben’s heart beating quicker underneath his hand, which caused Ben to tighten his grip on the back of Joe’s neck, almost as if he was the only stationary thing as his head spun uncontrollably. It was in this moment that Ben pieced together the puzzle of his feelings for the man who was kissing him so roughly, and they certainly weren’t platonic. 

Finally, Joe broke off the kiss. He sat up straighter, but refused to move from his position as he looked at Ben blankly for just a moment long enough to worry him, but then grinned goofily. 

Ben rolled his eyes, but flashed his supermodel smile back all the same, “Are we going to talk about that?” He asked almost with a sense of apprehension, like he didn’t want to know the answer that was so inevitable, but the slightly dazed smile on his face didn’t falter. 

“I think we need to...” Joe responded slowly. Thoughtfully. Like it wasn’t the only tangible thought he’d had since about his third beer last night. He reluctantly cast his mind back to what he had said to Cardboard Ben, knowing he had a point. There was a lot of undeniable sexual tension between the two men, but Joe couldn’t put himself out to get his heart broken. He was so tired of waking up alone. 

“Listen... I know that we have a lot of physical chemistry, or whatever...” Joe began, repeating his speech not quite word for word. He spoke quite hesitantly. He didn’t want to break things off with Ben, but he felt like he was clutching at straws trying to figure out if his feelings were reciprocated. Joe swallowed hard, and continued, looking at anywhere but Ben’s demanding eyes as he spoke. “But it doesn’t matter... I can’t—“

Joe was suddenly cut off in the middle of his sentence by Ben placing a finger underneath his chin, forcing him to look up at the taller man as he spoke. “I like you, Joe.”

His words were quite simple, but they brought Joe so much joy regardless. Ben was quite a closed person; didn’t like to show his emotions too much. He’d rather keep them bottled up. Maybe that was just his British self coming through. But Joe, on the other hand, wore his heart on his sleeve — Plain for the entire world to see. He was also the kind of person to fall hard. And fast. 

Joe didn’t believe that he could like Ben any more until he heard him say those four words. 

The former man’s eyes grew wide in disbelief, yet he still nodded in acknowledgment. “I like you too, Ben. For a long time, actually, and I don’t want to just be your friend. If that’s okay with you.” It felt even better to get his feelings out to His Ben, instead of Cardboard Ben. He hadn’t realised how much pressure had built up from keeping his feelings to himself. It felt like the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders, even though he’d said nothing close to what he’d rehearsed in his head since day one. Some things were better left unsaid. “We can take this as slowly as you want. There’s no rush.”

The British man smiled, leaning in to catch Joe’s lips with his again to show his gratefulness for his patience, but they jumped apart before they could even brush lips, due to the sound of Joe’s obnoxious ringtone filling the room. 

“Really, Joe? _Boss Ass Bitch?_ ” Ben shook his head in distaste, yet his smile didn’t falter. It was such a _Joe_ thing to set such an awfully ironic song as his ringtone, but he considered himself incredibly lucky that it wasn’t his own default ringtone of _Marimba_ gracing their ears at such an ill-chosen moment. The mere thought of the sound was enough to make Ben feel nauseous, so he dismissed the thought with another shake of his head and turned his attention back to the man now frowning back at him.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Joe mumbled, for the third time that morning. He very reluctantly climbed off of Ben and ignored his remark to see who was calling him at such an inconvenient time. 

_“Where the bloody hell are you, Joe?”_  
A voice scolded down the phone as soon as Joe picked up, and he immediately recognised the slightly pissed off Welsh voice as Gwilym. He winced at his loud voice, briefly letting his eyes flutter to a close. Hangovers and Gwilym Lee didn’t go together very well. 

“Hello to you, too. I’m still at my hotel with Ben. Why?” 

_“You’re half an hour late for the interview! Collider are going mad!”_

“Interview?” Joe groaned to himself, a sudden wave of guilt washing over him. It wasn’t like him at all to be so forgetful, especially of something as important as an interview. Slowly, his eyes opened again to be met with a confused-looking Ben, who had become interested upon hearing his own name, but wasn’t quite following the conversation close enough to have an understanding of the context. 

Gwilym made a disgruntled noise on the other end of the line, thinking that he truly did pity the fool who ended up having to deal with Joe for the rest of their life, because Gwilym could have easily reached through his phone and throttled the American in that moment for his sheer naivety. 

The line fell silent for a moment while Joe desperately tried to remember where it was he was meant to be and what he was meant to be doing. Gwilym was about to end the fall in frustration, thinking that the line had dropped, just as Joe finally spoke up again as his sleep-clouded brain had finally caught up with the course of events.

“Yes, I remember now. That’s today? Oh, shit!” Joe swore loudly, pushing himself up from the bed. He knew that there was a good reason for why he has set an alarm for so sinfully early in the morning, and all the pieces had finally fallen into place, like a fucked-up puzzle of his mistakes. But his revelation was half an hour too late. 

_“Yes,”_ Gwilym responded grimly, through gritted teeth, _“And you’d better get yourself here quick, mate. We’re not doing another interview without you two.”_

Gwilym then abruptly hung up on Joe, leaving the latter standing in the middle of his room, with his mouth still wide open in disbelief. 

As he desperately began to race around the hotel room to get himself dressed and presentable, Joe could feel Ben’s eyes burning into the back of his head, waiting for an explanation for why he was suddenly in such a rush. Not wanting to waste any more time by turning around, he quickly explained: 

“Get dressed. We gotta go.” 

While Ben would have much rather stayed in bed and carried on what he’d started with Joe, his statement was urgent and non-negotiable. Conveniently, it hadn’t occurred to Ben that their big interview was today, either. 

Interest eventually got the better of Ben, who had also stood up and was quickly dressing in the previous night’s clothes. “Who was that?” He pried, shrugging on one of Joe’s jackets that had been carelessly discarded onto the floor in front of him. 

“Gwil. We’re late.” Joe coyly returned, still not offering much detail to the increasingly confused blonde, who had a questioning eyebrow cocked up in response. 

Despite Joe’s frantic hurrying, Ben was ready much sooner than him. Unlike the American man, he knew how to handle alcohol, and therefore wasn’t hungover in the slightest. He had sat quietly for at least five minutes, watching Joe turn the entire hotel room upside down before a presentable Joe Mazzello stood in front of him, with an exasperated expression etched onto his otherwise handsome face. 

“We’re late for an important interview with that entertainment website, and I need to find my damn wallet so I can order a damn Uber.” Joe finally justified his behaviour, sighing desperately. 

“I can drive, I’ll get Gwil to text me the address.” Ben spoke up, already typing out a text on his phone. 

Joe looked up. “You drove us back here last night?” 

An amused smile played at Ben’s lips. Once he’d gotten a reply from Gwilym, he turned his attention back to Joe. “You don’t remember?”

The American thought for a moment, frowned, then shook his head in response. No matter how hard he tried to, he still couldn’t entirely recall what had happened the night before. “Only in fragments. But weren’t you wasted?”

“Not really.” Ben shrugged dismissively, turning his keys over in his hands. “I would have only just been over the limit, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Joe’s heart hammered in his chest. If he was telling the truth, Ben hadn’t actually gotten _that_ drunk the previous night. At least, not enough to act out of character, so he surely must have been aware of what he was doing last night. The sheer thought of Ben _using_ him made him feel sick to the stomach. 

The bastard knew exactly what he was doing. 

“Oh, okay.” Joe’s answer came out in a small, strained voice, but he played it off with a convincing enough grimace that Ben flashed his supermodel smile back, and began to head for the door. 

“Ready?” 

Joe nodded, staying silent.


	3. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets jealous and possessive, Gwilym is having None Of His Bullshit™️. Joe makes Ben question his sexuality (again).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO SORRY this took so long, i am genuinely such a slow writer, it’s painful. but i hope this is worth it! thank you for sticking with me, i promise it gets better from here

“I’m so sorry we’re late.” Ben immediately apologised, the second the two men stepped into the small room they’d been lead to by a frustrated cameraman. In truth, he wasn’t particularly sorry at all. Not in the slightest. Because had either of them remembered that there was an interview, perhaps he could have spent more time alone with Joe, and properly talked his feelings through. But nevertheless, Ben apologised profusely. 

Joe, however, didn’t dare to say a word as they entered the room. Instead, he hid himself behind the taller man sheepishly, not quite able to face the stern look of Gwil. 

“What took you so long?” Gwil’s arms were folded across his chest like a stern parent, but his tone was much lighter than it had been on the phone. 

“This one.” Ben responded, turning to Joe. He looked at the brunette with a reassuring smile, encouraging him to move to his side. “Still too drunk to drive, and too lazy to get himself an Uber.” 

Gwil raised his eyebrows at Ben, shooting him a knowing look. Ben had told him a few weeks ago that he had feelings for Joe, and the Welsh man was trying to get him to confess ever since. 

Joe shrugged his shoulders, playing along. It was a more than convincing lie, as it was no secret that the American could not handle his alcohol for the life of him. “Maybe someone shouldn’t have encouraged me to drink so much last night. But we’re here now, aren’t we?” He shot back, but smiled all the same. He was just relieved, honestly. The last thing that he wanted from Gwil was a Spanish inquisition about his whereabouts, or why he’d told him earlier that Ben was in his hotel room. Not that he could remember any of last night’s events, anyway. But of course, he would tell his friends about what had happened eventually. He was absolutely dying to, of course, but not until there was something more to tell. 

“Oh good, you’re here.” 

A voice from just behind Joe bought him out of his train of thought, and back into the room. He pushed his stupid thoughts about to the back of his mind, and plastered a smile onto his face. 

“I’m Nick, very nice to meet you.” 

“Hi! I’m Joe Mazzello. Nice to meet you, man.” 

The man, Nick, held his hand out for Joe to shake. It was a very simple act of manners, so thought nothing of it as he shook his hand. He didn’t think anything of it when the man lingered for just a moment too long, and held his hand just a little too tight, either. It hadn’t really registered in his mind. It was just a handshake, as far as Joe was concerned. 

However, a feeling of extreme jealousy rose in Ben as he watched the man linger for a second longer than he should’ve. He knew that he had no right to feel jealous; it wasn’t his place. But there was little he could do to stop the feeling, so he shook his head to ignore it. 

“And this is B—“

“Ben. Ben Hardy.” Ben coldly cut Joe off. His words were laced with poison as he spoke, and it was only slightly unintentional. He looked at the man through narrowed eyes as he firmly shook the man’s hand. He’d already forgotten his name, he was too busy seething inwardly. 

The boys were used to having people hit on them, from make-up artists to Starbucks baristas who claimed to be their biggest fan. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence for either of them, and over time they just seemed to grow numb to it. At least, Ben had. But the way that he saw the man eye Joe up and down made his blood boil. 

Gwil’s stare latched onto the corner of Ben’s as the latter man followed Joe and Rami to the sofa. His face was pulled downwards into a sour frown, unwilling to change until Gwil held him back, pulling him by the elbow. 

Gwil stared the shorter man down as he turned around, an eyebrow cocked upwards. 

“What the hell was that about?” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, mate.” Ben didn’t quite meet Gwil’s eyes as he answered. His words were sincere, but his voice was distracted. Like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

Gwil simply rolled his eyes in response, and huffed quietly. He dragged the blonde further away from the rest of their group — at least out of their earshot, also choosing to ignore his comments of protest. Gwil was determined to get to the bottom of his friend’s behaviour, even if it did take all day. 

“You _know_ what I’m talking about, Ben.” Gwil’s no-bullshit tone made Ben hang his head in shame, like a schoolboy who had been called to the headmaster’s office. No matter how hard he tried, Ben was never able to get anything past Gwil, so there was really no point in lying to him. 

“And I’m not just talking about now,” Gwil continued, still staring his friend until he was forced to look up at him. “Joe told me that you were with him at his hotel earlier. Please, don’t tell me that you’re still messing him around... It isn’t fair on him. You know that.”

“Gwil, I...” Ben began, sighing heavily. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. While he did appreciate Gwil’s concerns, he couldn’t talk about the topic of his feelings at length without needing a cigarette. “It’s not what you think...”

Except, it was exactly what Gwil had thought. At least, pretty much so. Gwil was the only one to know about Ben and Joe’s strange relationship, and he’d sworn not to tell anyone else, not until he’d told Joe about his feelings. But only on the condition that he stopped messing around with Joe when he was drunk; unintentionally toying with his emotions, and told him how he really felt. 

So far, Ben hadn’t kept up his end of the deal. 

Gwil sighed too, shaking his head. “Did you tell him, at least?” 

Ben finally shifted his gaze away from Gwil’s staring eyes, beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable. His eyes naturally searched for something else to focus on, and finally wandered to Joe, who scrolled through Instagram as he sat on the sofa, patiently waiting for the interview to start. He let his eyes fixate on the American man for a just moment so he could appreciate how truly beautiful he looked curled up with his legs underneath him, focussing on nothing but his phone. 

The blonde man continued to watch him for a few more seconds until he looked up, and smiled brightly. Ben’s heart fluttered uncontrollably as he smiled back, like a lovesick teenager. 

Then he turned his attention back to Gwil, slowly nodding his head. “Not in a lot of detail, but yeah, I did.” 

Gwil’s face lit up at his response, smiling so widely that it surely must have hurt his face. He pulled Ben into a hug immediately, clapping him on the back. For so long, he had been waiting for Ben to finally talk to Joe. He’d deliberately drag Rami off somewhere when they hung out together, or “accidentally” cancelled on them, just to give the two time alone together. Gwil was starting to believe that maybe the day would never come; perhaps that hell would freeze over first. “I’m happy for you, mate.” 

“Thanks, mate. I appreciate it. But nothing has come of it yet, we still have to talk. I still have more that I need to tell him.” Ben shifted his weight from foot to foot, forcing himself to not frown. 

“Well... Let’s get started then, shall we?” The interviewer — Nick, Ben finally remembered him as — approached them as Ben pulled away, trying to encourage them to finally start the interview, starting to look a little antsy. In fairness, he had been kept waiting for quite a long time now. 

Ben and Gwil made their way to the sofa now, too. Ben plopped himself down next to Joe, wrapping his arm around his shoulder absentmindedly. 

“So, Joe, I must say that you and Ben look cute together?” The interviewer commented, but it was put across as more of a question than a statement. He looked straight at Ben’s arm, which was possessively slung around Joe’s shoulders, holding him close. Just close enough to make a point, but not close enough to raise suspicion. 

“Oh, please.” Joe scoffed, grinning widely. “I look cute with everyone.” His cheeks flushed pink as he turned to Ben, oblivious to the interviewer’s almost inappropriate behaviour as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

The other men laughed too. Neither Rami or Gwil were particularly familiar with their situation, but they didn’t need to be; both Ben and Joe regularly advertised it on their Instagram pages for all to see, but their fans just saw it as an inside joke. 

_If only they knew_ , Joe thought to himself. If only the fans knew what actually happened behind closed doors, when their phones were away. 

The interviewer continued to keep asking the usual, boring questions to the boys for the next half an hour, occasionally making an offhand comment that was actually of interest. But for the most part, it was boring as hell. Despite this, all four of the boys grit their teeth, smiled, and gave what seemed like well-thought out answers, but were actually just answers that had been rehearsed many tines before. All while displaying any emotion other than sheer fucking boredom. 

Ben soon began to get twitchy. Partly because he was uncomfortable, and partly because he really needed a cigarette. For at least the last fifteen minutes of the interview, the cameras had been turned off. They’d answered all of the questions the interviewer had prepared, but he was desperate to know what is was like working so closely with Brian May and Roger Taylor. Turned out he was a bit of a Queen fan himself, but it seemed like everyone claimed to be since their film had released. Still, these were the questions that the boys didn’t mind answering, because they genuinely never got bored about telling their stories. 

Ben had began to tell one of his stories about playing the drums with Roger, and everyone was listening intently, even though they’d heard it several times before. Although he wasn’t an overly social person, the way Ben told his stories was so alluring, it was almost quite magical. The way he could paint a picture with his words never failed to amaze Joe. The boys always gushed about their stories with the Queen members, because they still couldn’t believe their luck, even after all this time. And talking was a good distraction for Ben — It gave him something to focus his attention on, as he carefully picked his words. Joe was listening carefully too, but his concentration wandered very slightly, and he instead found himself totally captivated by the way Ben’s eyes lit up with joy as he retold his story, and the way his lips moved as he spoke. It was almost hard to believe that they were the same lips he had been kissing a few hours ago. 

“You okay there, buddy?” Ben asked, after some time, noticing that Joe had drifted off into his own head. His eyes were still fixated on the blonde man, but quickly tore his eyes away when he felt Ben nudging his shoulder with his own, slowly bringing him back into the room. 

“Yeah, yeah...” Joe’s train of thought had slammed to a halt as Gwil and Rami stood up to leave. “I was just thinking. Are you guys heading off?” He shifted his eyes back to Ben’s, frowning in confusion. 

“Oh, you were? That makes a change.” Ben commented, earning a playful punch on his forearm from Joe. It didn’t hurt. Joe had only punched him lightly. Nonetheless, Ben pulled away and rubbed the spot. He could feel a pout making its way onto his face as he whined, but did little to stop it. 

Joe simply rolled his eyes in response; the British man did like to flaunt his flair for the dramatic when he could get away with it. 

“I’m meeting Lucy for lunch, so I should probably get off.” Rami looked down at his watch. 

“Yeah, and I’ve got a meeting with my agent.” Gwil explained, genuinely frowning. “But I’ll make sure we hang out again before your flight. Just let me know when you’re next free.” 

Joe nodded to his friends, a small smile gracing his lips. “Looks like we’re all alone, then. Do you want to do something?” He asked, pushing himself up from the sofa to stand. 

Ben stood up too, nodding. He was hoping to get Joe alone the moment they’d stepped foot into the studio, really. Talking to Gwil made him realise how much more he had to say to Joe, and it couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Let’s go for a walk? I’ve got some stuff I need to talk to you about.” 

“Is it a good talk?” Joe furrowed his eyebrows, beginning to overthink Ben’s words. What if he’d decided that what he said to Joe earlier was a mistake? What if he’d misread the situation entirely? 

“I think so.” Ben answered, breaking the moment of silence that had fallen. The blonde began to walk out of the room, trying to find the exit of the studio. He wasn’t paying much attention when they had came in, so he was thankful of Joe following closely behind him when he took the lead, bringing them out onto the streets of London. 

Ben didn’t walk too close to Joe’s side as he lead him down the busy street. He was weary of the volume of people passing by them, and didn’t want to make Joe uncomfortable by acting out of turn. 

As they walked in silence, the winter sun dared to peek from behind a grey cloud for just a moment, shining down on the two. 

Joe looked even more angelic in the sunlight, even though it was just for a split second. But Ben could have sworn that his hair looked almost ginger in the sunlight. For so long, he thought that Joe had brown hair. 

“Where are we going?” Joe asked quietly, stopping in his tracks after taking a few more steps. No matter how many times he visited London, he would never get used to the winding streets. 

“I don’t know.” Ben shrugged, but made no intention of stopping as he took over Joe. “There’s a park not too far from here.” 

Ben now took the lead, with Joe following closely on his heels as he lead them down a side-street and then another, until they were standing on the corners of a park. Except it wasn’t really a park, it was more like a small green area, with a few benches. Nothing like the big parks he found back at home, but he wasn’t really sure what to expect. 

Joe dropped himself down onto the nearest bench, closely watching Ben as he balanced a well-deserved cigarette between his teeth while he lit it. As soon as the blonde took a drag, he immediately felt himself relax. 

“So... You wanted to talk?” Joe prompted, patting the empty spot next to him on the bench. 

Ben nodded in response, putting his arm around Joe as he sat, just like he had done earlier. He took another long drag of his cigarette before he spoke, desperately trying to clear his head. He had so many things that he needed to voice, but every time he tried to open his mouth, his words just fizzled out. 

“I... I didn’t really say much, earlier.”

“No.” Joe agrees, resting his head on Ben’s shoulder. “You didn’t. But if you didn’t want to, that’s fine.” 

The blonde man sighed. The sun had long gone now, and a light breeze had began to pick up. Ben pulled Joe in closer, feeling the shorter man shiver against him. He wondered if maybe it was a stupid idea to talk things through, and that they should just leave, or go somewhere warmer. 

“Ben?” Joe finally mustered the courage to pipe up, lifting his head from the taller man’s shoulder. “Can — Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.”

“Are you gay?” 

Ben lifted his cigarette away from his mouth, freezing in his position. 

_Are you gay?_ Joe’s question repeated in his head on a loop, making his head spin. He took a deep breath, really unsure of what to say. He hadn’t thought about his sexuality at all, really. 

_Am I gay?_


	4. You Take My Breath Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do like you, Joe. And that’s the truth.” 
> 
> Joe rested his head back onto Ben’s shoulder. He had missed the warmth of the taller man as soon as he pulled away, so eagerly enveloped into his side. All of a sudden, that was enough physical contact to keep his affection satiable — At least, for now. As long as he could keep close to him, that was enough. 
> 
> “Where do we go from here?” Joe pried. His flight home was growing nearer and nearer, and he was incredibly weary it. He couldn’t spend his remaining time in London not being on good terms with Ben, he simply wouldn’t allow it. God knows how long it would be until he would be able to fly back out to London, or Ben to New York. Both actors were in high demand now that Bohemian Rhapsody was finished — they’d never seen their schedules so full of meetings and auditions. Joe knew that he would find a way to see Ben again soon — His agent had mentioned a directing job not too far from London in passing — but it didn’t sit well with him to not leave on a high note. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry this took so long, i’ve not been myself lately and i’ve also been bogged down with a lot of schoolwork but... i’m back. anyway, this one is VERY angsty and i’m kind of happy with the outcome — i hope you are too ;)
> 
> edit: i’m sorry for any spelling mistakes or general messiness with this one, italics don’t want to work but it’s nearing on half past one now and i’m just too knackered to clean it up. in the words of james acaster: started making it. had a breakdown. bon appetite.

_Are you gay?_

Ben’s eyes widened a considerable amount as he met his eyes with Joe’s. Fumbling for something to say — Anything — He spat out, “I... I don’t know.” But his words came out prematurely; dryly, and subsequently his throat felt like sandpaper as he tried to swallow back his nerves. “I don’t know.” 

“Oh.” Joe’s heart dropped to his stomach, creating a wave of nausea. He was almost certain that Ben liked him back from what he was telling him earlier that morning. But now, he couldn’t be so sure. In fact, Joe was now perpetually convinced otherwise, and couldn’t believe how naive he had been to think so in the first place. 

_It would have been too good to be true, anyway,_ Joe told himself, smiling bitterly. _He’s too good for you._

“Are you sure?”

Ben’s head snapped downwards, trying not to let his thoughts spiral. He shook his head hesitantly, letting his cigarette dangle from his fingertips as if it was the only thing he could hold onto at that moment. 

_No, he wasn’t sure._

“Do you actually like me, Ben? Or was that just another excuse for getting me into bed again?” Joe huffed, growing frustrated. The stern tone of his voice left little to the imagination — He’d truly had enough of the sheer sense of _ambiguity_ between them, of not knowing where he stood. Obviously, their clusterfuck of a relationship, or lack thereof, had taken two of them to form. In hindsight, Joe knew he shoudn’t have really held Ben accountable for all of it; he was to blame too. 

Yet, no matter how much he told himself it was unfair, Joe couldn’t help but pin all the blame on him all the same. Thought he had to, really, for the sake of his sanity. And it wouldn’t be too far fetched to do so; Ben radiated playboy energy, with a string of lovers longer that would take at least three hands to count. It had been that way for a while now, though; since he’d been broken up with by his last girlfriend, so perhaps his behaviour was hardly his fault. But it still irritated Joe to no end — He hadn’t been too coy about his feelings for the blonde man. It was very unlikely that he was completely clueless, which only added insult to injury when he toyed with Joe’s feelings. He still flirted with him, put his arm around him, or even got into bed with him — Just enough to make Joe wonder — but then ripped it right from underneath his feet at the last moment. 

Consequently, Joe couldn’t help but worry that he was simply one of those girls to Ben; that he was his next victim, even, and thinking about it made his throat feel like it was being constricted with barbed wire, in the same way it had not so long ago. 

“Jesus Christ...” Ben’s spoke in a quiet, shaky voice, not daring to raise it just in case the tears brimming his eyes dared to spill. It broke something inside of him to hear Joe think of him so lowly, and it was even worse because he was wrong. “No... Joe, it isn’t like that. You know it isn’t.”

Joe chose not to comment, instead looking off into the distance with a stony expression, not wanting to let Ben know that he was upset. He wasn’t actually overly upset, more annoyed, but he still didn’t trust his voice to not wobble. 

“It wasn’t an excuse, Joe.” 

“I want to believe you, more than anything. But I just...“ Joe’s voice cracked as he spoke, giving himself away. He huffed, looking at his hands. 

Ben took one of Joe’s hands in his own and gently squeezed, so that the shorter man would meet his gaze again. Joe hated the way that his heart fluttered as their eyes locked, and he hated the way that he still welcomed that feeling after everything. 

“I know.” Ben responded. “I wouldn’t either. But let me explain myself?” 

Joe nodded eagerly and widened his eyes, taking a leap of faith. If there was any chance at all that he wasn’t reading into things too much and what he heard was true, then he wanted to know without a doubt. 

Ben traced circles into the back of Joe’s palm with his thumb as he collected his thoughts, not really sure where to start. He huffed, too. Things weren’t quite going where he wanted it to, and Joe’s general tone was quite disconcerting, but he owed him an explanation. 

“I’m not gay.” Ben began. This time, it was him who broke eye contact with Joe. It wasn’t a solid start. Not by any means. But he couldn’t quite form a tangible string of words in his head, let alone voice them. Ben knew that he wasn’t gay, because he’d had girlfriends before. But he was also incredibly drawn to Joe, for whatever reason. 

So Ben wasn’t straight, either. 

“What are you trying to tell me?” Joe cut in, before Ben could get another sentence out. He took a breath, trying his best to remain levelled. 

“I — I can let my guard down with you. I don’t do that with anyone else, you know? Not Lucy or Rami, not even Gwil.” Ben shifted in his seat, eyes stubbornly trained on his shoes, refusing to meet Joe’s persistent stare. “You make me vulnerable and it kind of scares me, but maybe that’s okay, because what I feel for you... It goes beyond what I feel for them; It’s different.”

Finally, Ben plucked up the courage to take a glance at Joe. The latter man had placed his hand on his thigh, encouraging Ben to carry on his monologue. He smiled sympathetically too, for good measure. Undeniably, Joe was still annoyed. Either way, it seemed like Ben had been leading him on. It was nothing he wouldn’t get over, though, and he appreciated Ben’s honesty. 

Ben ran his tongue across his lower lip before he spoke again. His mouth had gotten incredibly dry, and tasted almost sour from anxiety. 

Watching Ben dart his tongue across his lips set off a kind of bittersweet feeling, because he was so very close and open to Joe in that moment, and he so longed to lean over and kiss him, or touch him, but he knew it wouldn’t be appropriate. 

“I do like you, Joe. And that’s the truth.” 

Joe rested his head back onto Ben’s shoulder. He had missed the warmth of the taller man as soon as he pulled away, so eagerly enveloped into his side. All of a sudden, that was enough physical contact to keep his affection satiable — At least, for now. As long as he could keep close to him, that was enough. 

“Where do we go from here?” Joe pried. His flight home was growing nearer and nearer, and he was incredibly weary it. He couldn’t spend his remaining time in London not being on good terms with Ben, he simply wouldn’t allow it. God knows how long it would be until he would be able to fly back out to London, or Ben to New York. Both actors were in high demand now that Bohemian Rhapsody was finished — they’d never seen their schedules so full of meetings and auditions. Joe knew that he would find a way to see Ben again soon — His agent had mentioned a directing job not too far from London in passing — but it didn’t sit well with him to not leave on a high note. 

Ben shrugged his other shoulder. While he wasn’t ready to rush into anything, the feeling of Joe moulded to his side just felt _right._ Like they were made for each other. Ben had been aware of that feeling for a long time, and knew it wasn’t a feeling he had with anyone else, but he hadn’t pinned meaning to it until then. “What are you doing tonight?” 

A smirk darted across Joe’s lips before he had even answered, already forming a smartass remark. “Well, I have _special plans_ with Cardboard Ben to make up for last night. I bought new underwear for the occasion and everything.”

Ben deliberately jolted his shoulder in response, rolling his eyes to the back of his head. “I was going to ask you out to dinner, but if you have more pressing—“ 

“— I’ll be there.” Joe quickly interjected. Too quickly. Because his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest, like some kind of cartoon. His smirk soon turned into a smile bright enough to lighten up the dull weather of London.

A small smile graced Ben’s lips too, in response. “Pick you up at six.” He mumbled. The finality of his words made it seem like he was about to get up and leave, but instead he laid his cheek atop of Joe’s head, just enjoying his company for a little while. 

The chill of the breeze now bit at Joe’s cheeks and neck, daring him to nestle closer into the crook of Ben’s neck and breathe in the scent of his cologne; to just to be as unbelievably close to him as possible and stay warm.

Ben didn’t feel the cold as harshly as Joe. He was expecting the cool air and had dressed accordingly, having looked at the weather in advance. But he still pretended that he was just as cold, purely so he could try to draw Joe in nearer to him. 

The two men stayed in their huddled position for what seemed like an eternity, in a comfortable silence. They must have looked ridiculous to the outsider: two grown men almost sitting on top of each other on a bench big enough for them and at least one other, totally lost in their own world. But they didn’t care. In that moment, all Ben and Joe cared about was each other, and were totally oblivious of anything outside of that. 

Until Ben reluctantly pulled away, and straightened his back out. 

Joe looked up at the taller man with a confused expression, wondering if he’d gone too far and made Ben feel uncomfortable. 

“I should go...” Ben muttered, clearing his throat. He slowly peeled himself away from Joe, and shoved his hands into his pocket. Truthfully, he didn’t want to leave. He could quite easily spend the rest of the day in Joe’s company. But Joe had given him a lot of things to think over before they saw each other again, and Ben would much rather prefer to do so alone. 

“Do you want a lift back to your hotel, mate?” Ben asked, hesitantly at first. His painkillers were beginning to wear off and he was desperate to just be alone, but he knew that if the shoe was on the other foot, he would appreciate the offer at the very least. It almost sounded dismissive as he stood up and began to walk away. Not that it was meant to be dismissive in the slightest; Joe knew him well enough to read his tone. Except for that one word that still rattled its way around his brain. 

_Mate._

Ben’s words struck Joe like a hot iron, right in the middle of his chest. It was such an offhand, thoughtless word; nothing more than instinct. But it still cut deep. 

_Right, yeah. We’re mates. But not the kind of “mates” I want us to be._

Joe shook his head, brushing it off. He knew how ridiculous he was being; his feelings were reciprocated by none other than the man he’d been pining after for what seemed like ages, and he’d never felt happier. 

“No, no.” Joe answered, keeping his voice calm and collected to mask the debilitating ache in his chest. “Thanks, but I’ll just get an Uber. You look like you could use a nap, and I don’t want to hold you up.” 

“Oh... Okay. I’ll see you tonight, then?”

“See you tonight.” Joe hummed in affirmation. He then proceeded to spin away from Ben on the heel of his shoe with some momentum, now becoming quite desperate to return back to the safety of his hotel. As he was about to retrieve his phone from his pocket, though, Joe felt a grip on his wrist stopping him mid-turn, forcing him to turn back around to face the blonde man once more. 

Before Joe could even process what was happening, let alone question the sudden bravado, Ben took a leap of faith and ducked his head down to gingerly peck Joe on his cheek, barely ghosting over his flushed skin. 

“Thank you.”

“What for?” Joe questioned, a frown etched onto his face when Ben moved away to flash an almost impish grin. Although it wasn’t much of a kiss, it still had the former trying to conceal a blush behind his hand, and failing to do so. 

“For listening to me. I appreciate it.” Ben’s grin curved into a softer, genuine smile. Had it not been for what little self control he lad left, Joe could’ve melted right there on the spot. 

“Anytime, buddy. But you seriously gotta let go of me so I can order an Uber.” He shot a pointed look at Ben’s hand, still wrapped around his wrist.

“Right, sorry.” The blonde sheepishly retracted his grip, finally setting Joe free. Although as he fished through his pockets for his keys, his smile didn’t falter. “I’ll leave you in peace, yeah?”

_Six o’clock could not come soon enough,_ Joe mused to himself as he watched Ben eventually (and somewhat reluctantly) walk away from him, and into the busy street of midday London. Only when he finally lost sight of the blonde did he finally turn his attention back to his phone, finally ordering an Uber.


End file.
